


whack!

by aglowSycophant



Category: Splatoon
Genre: Murder, female agents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:02:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27156334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aglowSycophant/pseuds/aglowSycophant
Summary: Agent 4 brings a fish to an NSS meeting. It can only go so well.
Relationships: mentions of a24 but nothing big
Comments: 5
Kudos: 19





	whack!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Squid Squad (TerminalMiraculosis)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TerminalMiraculosis/gifts).



"Hey, Three!" Three looked up, only for Four to swing an  _ entire  _ **_fucking_ ** _ trout _ at her face at terminal velocity. Swiftly, she shot back, the trout barely grazing her nose.

"What the fuck?!" she snapped, glaring at her. Four cackled sharply and grinned. "Dude, are you trying to fucking kill me?"

"It's not really like you care about dying," Four stated, which was an objective truth given how often Three did it.

Four swung again, and Three rolled her eyes as she dodged. "Right, but that's suicide.  _ This _ is what we call  _ murder." _

"Yeah, and? You say you're going to kill me all the time." Again, an objective truth, but  _ still _ . "You're not bluffing, right? You're not a pussy, right?"

Shit. Four had a point. Three was now officially not a pussy.

"What, do you  _ want _ me to murder you?" she said instead. "'Cause I'll fucking do it. I'll fucking kill you right now, piss ink."

"Oh NOW you've done it," Four growled, swinging the trout again. Three briefly wondered if Four first received the fish when it was alive. "Get your ass over here!"

"No!" Three retorted very elegantly. "I'll kill you with my fists! Get the fuck over here!"

“No!!” Four exclaimed in a similar tone, although louder.  _ “You _ get the fuck over here!”

“Why don’t YOU come over here?!”

“Why don’t YOU?!?!”

“Are you scared, Four?! Is that it? Are you a fucking COWARD, you little piss-haired bitch??”

_ “Piss-haired? _ Oh, you’re fucking DEAD!”

“Guys?” said someone who was not Three or Four. “Are you okay?”

“Hi, Eight!” Four greeted cheerily, and then swung her trout like a fucking club at Three’s entire head.

“I’m never okay,” Three said in as much of a deadpan as she was capable of doing given the situation. She grabbed a fistful of Four’s piss-colored tentacles, and then Four swung the trout into Three’s entire face, which. Hm. Ow. That’s going to bruise.

“What are you two doing?” Eight asked, head cocked slightly.

“Um, well, you see...” Four began.

“We’re trying to kill each other,” Three explained. Eight nodded and hummed.

When Four slammed the trout into Three’s stomach, Eight asked, “Can I join?”

“Wh-”

“Yes!” Four answered. “But only if you’re on my side.”

“Okay!” Eight replied cheerfully, and then promptly fucking charged at the two.

_ HOLY SHIT! _ was Three’s immediate response, which she did voice. Fighting Four with a disadvantage was hard enough (and the trout  _ did  _ count as an advantage) but now that Eight was also playfully beating the ever-loving fuck out of her, well... Three was not having a lot of fun. She was maybe having less fun than usual, which was a shockingly low amount of fun to be having.

So, naturally, chaos ensued. A lot of chaos. By chaos, Three means pain. It was a lot of pain, and a lot of punching, but Three got to bite Four’s nose, which was a major win in Three’s book. Of course, Four retaliated by slamming the trout into Three’s face, which was less than enjoyable, but somehow the trout ended up in Eight’s hands, which was even less desirable than when Four had the trout, because Eight had a lot of upper arm strength and WOW Three was going to have so many bruises after this.

“HA! HAHAHA!” Four laughed, clawing at Three’s face. Three pulled her head back and Four scratched at her neck instead. “TAKE THAT, YOU FUCKING BITCH!”

Three replied by kicking her in the stomach. It got the point across.

Of course, Eight then bit the back of Three’s mantle like some sort of rabid fucking gremlin. It was quite apparent that she had lived with Pearl for at least a little while. Beneath her breath, Three hissed out a swear, and mentally apologized to every single god out there as she elbowed Eight with about half the force she would normally elbow someone with.

Four swiped at Three’s face, and Three very much didn’t like the thought of that, so she bent backwards to attempt to not get shredded by the piss woman. Eight then swung the trout and it connected with Three’s whole left asscheck, and Three let out a quiet noise that certainly was not a moan nor did it sound like one at all.

“Did you just fucking moan in my face?” Four asked in a flat voice, no longer attempting to maul Three.

“No,” Three said.

“Yes,” Eight said at the exact same time.

“I did not moan,” she asserted in a credible fashion. “I didn’t.”

“That was so a moan,” Four stated in an incorrect fashion. “Oh my god.”

“Last night,” Eight began, “You made that noise.”

“Really didn’t need to hear about you guys’ sex life,” Four mumbled as Three’s face suddenly became very warm. “Like, thanks, but also I hate you.”

Three shifted her ink to blue and formed a shitty-made Splat Bomb, dropping it to the floor, and then shifted back to orange.

“The feeling’s mutual,” she stated, and then they all promptly exploded.


End file.
